On relationships: Why you should not date a lawyer (Part 8)

In TVB dramas, lawyers are portrayed as fashionable, smooth talking, and are either handsome guys and pretty girls.  Their daily routines involve fighting bad guys (or being the bad guys themselves) in the day time, and partying in LKF in the night time.  They never do any “real” legal work except for going on lunch dates and gossiping in office.  Then there is the occasional fighting in court with smirks on their faces coupled with cheesy taglines.  They are admired like heroes.

Lawyers have problems maintaining relationships

One of the biggest problems with their portrayal is that they all seem to have real human relationships with others, including romantic lives.  The reality is this – being a lawyer usually requires taking on a toll on our personal lives.  Lawyers are often overwhelmed by loneliness, and are only struggling to maintain what little personal relationships they have.  Beyond the glorious flashy business cards are broken hearts hiding within empty bodies which are tired, physically and spiritually.

Lawyers are trained to argue with others

Lawyers are often inherent with character flaws.  Lawyers are taught what is “right” and “wrong” in law school.  They are taught to be convinced that they are “right.”  If they are wrong, they are taught to argue why they can still somehow be “right.”  Law students are indoctrinated by “mooting” – arguing fictional problems in a courtroom environment. The best advocate wins, even if he’s “wrong.”  This is opposite to real life, where maintaining a relationship requires admitting that you’re wrong.

Lawyers have no time to be in a relationship

Lawyers chase an illusive concept called “billable hours.”  Law firms often charge clients at an hourly rate.  The more “hours” billed, the more profitable the business.  One’s performance is often judged by billable hours.  In some firms, associates’ rankings are publicized weekly by billable hours.  This instills fear of publicly shaming.  Problem: you might work 15 hours a day but only 8 hours are “billable.”  Another 2 might be “written off.”  No time for dating when you have to targets to meet.

Lawyers end up self-absorbed and judgmental

The legal profession is a highly judgmental one.  Due to competition in our profession, lawyers often judge one another by where they graduated, where they worked, their salaries, etc.  Sometimes, those are the only few satisfactions they have about themselves.  Having sacrificed our youth on the profession, we have nothing to show except for our justified self-worth.  We are forced to feel that our titles mean something.  We then judge others based on how we judge ourselves.

Many lawyers are forced into this cycle of brokenness because having dedicated so many years to get to where they are, they feel they have no other choice but continue.  Thrown into a helm of fire, they are abused by long hours and inhuman corporate culture.  This dehumanizes and sucks the life out of them.  Having been so broken physically and emotionally, lawyers no longer know how to love like everyone else.  Some are able to heal by detaching themselves from the profession, whilst many remain broken.  Unless you have what it takes to mend a broken soul, don’t date a lawyer.

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