On relationships: How to chase a girl? (Part 1)

HongKongers are a busy breed.  Many of us spend most of our youth studying, and later, building up our careers.  But how much time do we place on building our personal, say, romantic relationships?  Many HongKongers manage to have successful careers, but those skills doesn’t necessary translate to good management of their personal lives.  Think no further than the fundamental question  – for some guys, “chasing a girl” could mean looking for a life partner.  For others, it might be something different.

How to chase a girl?

No matter the reason, the question – how to chase a girl – has long perplexed men (and sometime women) of all ages throughout the centuries of humanity (and some even claim to be experts).  This question is important because it involves the survival of humanity, including HongKongers.  If Hong Kong men cannot find their other halves (and unless women will be chasing men), Hong Kong’s future might have a problem.

But not just romantic relationships, all relationships are important to us.  This series, “On relationships,” will be dedicated to relationships matters.  Relationships include romantic relationships, friendships, partnerships, and something I will call, “family-ships.”  My first blog post on this topic will explore on how to chase a girl – which involve aspects which are applicable in many different types of relationships.

Search her feelings

Firstly, I am neither a girl, nor an expert in chasing girls.  I can only guess how to chase a girl.  But I think the most fundamental thing is knowing that girls are people too.  Girls have feelings – they respond to love, care, and emotions.  You have to be likable to her in order to be able to chase her.  If you’re not likable enough to make her want to be around you, you’re probably not going to be successful in chasing her.

Make emotional payments

One way of being likable is try understanding and appreciating her emotions – how does she feel about this and that?  What makes her happy?  What makes her sad?  With this knowledge, you may be better able to understand what you should be doing in order to woo her heart.  Women are emotional animals (which can also be true for men, just usually less so).  You have to make them feel pretty good, emotionally, for them to want to be with you.  Let’s call these “emotional payments” – they costs next to nothing, but buy you the world.  Girls have emotional needs.  Acknowledge them.

Find out her aspirations

In getting to know someone, you have to find out her aspirations – her hopes and dreams, her greatest fear, what she wants (and does not want) in life.  You have to find out whether her dream is compatible with yours.  If it is, then there is a potential long term future.  If not, either one may need to adjust his or her direction in life.  Otherwise, things will eventually clash and the pain will be overbearing.

Evaluate both parties’ needs

If she isn’t looking for someone like yourself or that your aspirations are different, either (1) you change yourself to suit her needs, (2) convince her that she should be wanting you, (3) a combination of (1) and (2), or (4) let it be.  For the most part, you can only choose one of these options (or one after the other, if whatever you’re trying isn’t working).  But never force two people together if you know either one won’t be happy.  It will hurt more in the long run.

Be honest to her, and yourself

By following the above, you now have a pretty good idea what she wants in life.  But you also realize that you cannot give her everything that she wants.  Only some things that she’s looking for.  Now, you really have to evaluate whether you are able to work on giving her those things, or adjust her expectations.  There is no hard and fast rule on this.  You have to be honest to her, and yourself.  I don’t believe in “compromise”.  I believe in having the free will to choose to accept (and love) a person for who he or she is.

You cannot change the other person

It takes two people to be together, and both sides have to be honest.  You cannot lie and say you can provide something, knowing that you can’t.  It’s just not how a good relationship works.  You can’t force yourself to be someone you’re not.  Likewise, you can’t expect that other person to be someone she’s not.  It just doesn’t work that way.  Even if your relationship is able to continue for now, it’s difficult to be happy together.

Two people must learn to grow together

Relationship is not about how hard you try.  It’s about how well two people can work together to build something.  No one is perfect.  I think that life is a journey where you are always continuing to grow – finding the other half is finding someone who is willing to grow with you together.  But if either of you cannot grow, and only one of you is growing – then the “better” person will find it difficult to communicate with the other lagging behind.

Timing has to be right

Not all things work in life.  Life’s all about timing too.  The perfect example of bad timing is Romeo and Juliet.  They couldn’t be together because of bad timing (as they both killed themselves thinking the other has died first, though technically they did die next to each other so one can argue that they are now able to be together for eternity).  You probably want to spend your time with someone you love whilst living, not dying.

Sometimes, you have to let go to give yourself another chance

Two of you have to be together at the right times of your lives.  If it’s not working out, better to not force two people together, but to let go, and let’s see whether a time will come in the future where timing will be right.  Life is a learning process.  It’s better to let go while you can, so you not only let her find her own happiness – but you also give yourself a chance to look for something more meaningful.

Anyways, I do realize that I did not really discuss on “how to chase a girl” per se, but more so on how to choose the right girl for you.  I think “how to chase a girl” might involve some “technical” skills which one can learn (and I believe there are some self-proclaimed “masters” or so-called “pick up artists” out there) which I won’t discuss here.  But what is most important is not just how to chase a girl, but how to find the right girl to chase.

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